Ugh, the ongoing debate over what a “real” mom looks likes. Weekly, a new story goes viral. The disapproval or applaud of a “real” Mom frustrates me. Recent media topics that involve Hilary Duff and Rachel Hollis have created a controversial stir amongst Mommies. I applaud any Mom that feels empowered in their own skin. The reason I felt compelled to write about this topic is because I find myself in this gray area that involves the comment, “You don’t look like a real mom” quite often. I’m not exactly sure what allows someone to define that or why the thought would come to mind. Whether, it’s meant to be a compliment or insult. I’ll never understand the reasoning behind telling someone they don’t look like a “real” mom. I’ve wrote blogs about how I find my sense in fashion and what I believe fits my role as a Mother but, when it comes down to two pieces of cloth covering private parts … I’m all Mom whether I have battle scars or not.
This gray area I find is between the pictures of Hilary Duff and Rachel Hollis in their bikinis. Their main goal was to state: own your body. Which, I get. I’m not against a Mommy showing off a tummy lined with “battle scars.” I sympathize with Hilary Duff versus Rachel Hollis. However, a picture is a picture. You know little about feelings and in social media, it’s easy to display a world of happiness with a few quick posts.
Some may say I got lucky. When questioned on my quick return to my shape, I always found a defense. A lot of times I blamed my weight loss on breastfeeding. When people spoke under their breath they breastfeed too…I went to “it must be good genes.” In reality, I should never be questioned on how I look after I became a Mother. The day my son was born, I was a “real” Mom.
However, after my son was born. I know for me what people didn’t see were the internal scars. I went from carrying my child for nine months to holding him in my arms in a matter of hours. As a petite woman, being pregnant was one of the first times in my life I felt whole. When you go from being whole to back to that small petite women in a matter of weeks, it takes a toll on you. I know it did on me. I felt empty and spent many showers crying. I thought a few times, “I’m crazy, right? I’m crying over the fact I got my body back!” This way of thinking was silly and I knew I had to own my Mommyhood. Lucky for me, my son was born in November and a pool wasn’t in sight for a few more months. I didn’t get stretch marks and my linea nigra still took about a year to fade. When it came time to put a swimsuit on, a bikini seemed natural because it fit. Milk-filled breasts was just another reason for those to commit throughout the summer… If they only knew a size 0 waist and leaky 34 DDD isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be ;p It took time to get use to being back in the same body I use to love, then I grew to love again…because it carried and birthed my son =)
I hope sharing my story on the “real” Mom helps petite women who go through pregnancy and return to their bodies as if nothing ever happened know we are “Real” moms too… Maybe we got lucky, maybe we run our asses off, maybe it’s good genes…. we all know it’s from breastfeeding, right? Lol At the end of the day, I might not look like most typical Mom (whatever that is.) But, it’s not so bad now.